Time to stop believing in myself and get back to work.

In my last blog post, which was way too long ago, basically, all I did was bitch. This blog is more of a pity party, and I'm sorry for that. 

Good thing no one reads it anyway...

But in spite of all that, this last year... the pandemic year still feels like one of the best years of my life.

How in the Hell can that be?

First, thankfully, no one in my family has died from CoVid. My stepdad got it, but he beat it (wear a mask, they work). Secondly, I got to see history being made as Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were elected as president and vice president. I am a liberal and I couldn't be prouder to see the first black female vice president in our history. It's an amazing thing for my daughters and my family to see. I think she and Joe can do amazing things.

But, I have been unemployed since March and I never stopped looking... so how could it be a good year?

I got to spend time with my family and I got to be creative. I found out who I am and who they are, and I love them. I love our animals and our life. have dogs, cats, chickens, potbellied pigs, and a rehab bird. We have a blind rooster I have to pick up and take to his food every day. We have a special life and even when it is rough I wouldn't trade it for anything, ever.

Safe In Austin, an Animal Rescue took 10 baby piglets our potbellied pigs had (they made sure they will always be safe, not food). We were extremely grateful for that. We were able to get several of the feral cats on our property fixed, and I am grateful to Fix West Texas for that (but now they can't take the county voucher, so it was good while it lasted). I'd love to become an animal rescue myself (we have several unused acres) but have no idea how and getting help is expensive.

I opened several online stores and while they might never be a success, I got to design shirts and websites. I got to write. I got to flex my creativity in ways that I haven't been able to in years. I was art student of the year twice in high school, and after school, I never used it again. The stores may have barely broken even, but at least I got to be creative this year. 

I'm proud that I have stood up for my beliefs in creating these stores.

• In addition to making funny and meaningful items, I am proud that I have stood for LGBT rights and humanism in my WildjourneyShirts Etsy Store.
• I have stood up for Democrats and Human Rights (including BLM and LGBT rights) in my LiberalbyDesign Etsy store.
• I stood for a belief that we can support Good Cops and Black Lives in my Find The Good - Do Both Store (even though it hasn't made a sale - and Google rejected it and won't tell me why)

I made really great designs for state pride/travel type shirts at my PlacesWeLove store on Etsy. 

I opened a CBD website and it felt good thinking I might be able to help people. Then I found out how hard and expensive it is to advertise.... but it was a good feeling for a while.

I got to argue politics and religion (I'm an atheist) online in my blogs and on Twitter and Facebook and usually did it without vitriol and without hatred for the other side (I never once went to Facebook jail). Although I will admit to being snarky and sarcastic I also know I brought actual checkable facts to every argument. I even joined the NAACP this year, because I do believe Black Lives Matter.

My wife and I got to be in a movie. Me as an actor and her as an extra. It is a low budget Horror movie but I got to do two things I have always wanted to do in my life - Act and Entertain People. It was incredible. I met some of the best people in the world. The movie is called Country Club, the trailer should be ready in February or March (I'll share it if I'm allowed).  Join the Facebook group for the movie by clicking here. I even got my own IMDB page Buddy Fazzio, but I can't afford to edit it...I was asked back if we get to shoot a sequel though.

After the movie I felt so creative... and that was good for a while. I started writing a little more. I almost got an article picked up by Huff Post. They still have it, so maybe someday they will run it. 

And I've written half of a script. It's a horror movie also, but definitely not low budget. But I am afraid I'll never finish it now.

I also just started to try and become a Twitch streamer. I was so excited to try it, and enjoyed the two times I did it. But it takes time and perseverance and it has been made clear to me that I'll never have that time. If only I had started it months ago maybe I could make it work. But, I was scared, it had been so long since I tried to be a performer and entertaining that I had given up, and now that I found the will and desire I have no time to try.

I also have an idea I think could change the world, save energy and maybe even make us all a little healthier, and I have no way to do anything with it and I am pretty sure I never will. I have lots of other ideas also, maybe I can put them in my will. (honestly, I bet there are a lot of people who have world-changing ideas and never get to see them realized)

I little braver and I could have been a PT Barnum, Mark Twain, or even an older fat George Clooney (I don't know why I picked Clooney, he is just someone I find immensely amazingly talented).

I little more focused and I could have been an Elon Musk or a Mark Cuban,

Imagine being a 53-year-old fat guy with missing teeth and getting to dream again for a little while.

I'm just a truck driver and an oil field worker.

Tomorrow I go back to driving a truck. 12-hour shifts. No real life. 

Time to stop believing in myself and get back to work.

Starting to get discouraged - but pushing through....

Man, it would be awesome if I looked back on this blog in the future and thought, man that was a rough time, but it was worth it. But, I'm starting to get discouraged.

I have three weeks left in the oil field. Then this chapter is over I hope... but I might have to take a job doing something oil field related. I hope not... it would be a step back.

I've had my store open for a few weeks. Trying to drive traffic is crazy hard. My friends could help, but so far I can't get anyone to share it. That's all they have to do and it's like pulling teeth. They are all ready to argue politics or correct a mistake in a damn Facebook post, but I can't even get my best friends to share my store or my products.

Easiest way in the universe to boost my traffic, they won't help. I even asked straight out.

Thing is, the shirts are extremely high quality. Really nice. And I think my ideas are excellent.

This is a sublimation dye shirt

Came out just awesome

When music hits you, you feel no pain shirt

Great gift for musicians - at least I think so.

I've tried Facebook ads and Etsy promotions... but they aren't working. Of course with a budget of $3 a day... it's not looking good. I even got a domain name, but Etsy runs it as a redirect... so that's kind of a waste.

About to be broke and jobless. At least for a couple of months until the big severance check comes in.

I'd hoped to get the house up for sale sooner rather than later, but I can't do that until I fix it up a bit. At least not if I want to get enough to get out of this place.

Not giving up yet. Still hopeful it will come around and thinking about trying to do Tech work. Virus removal, speed up peoples PCs, home networking whatever. Trying to build a Shopify store and hoping it will be better then Etsy.

I have to get out of here. I have to get my family out of this place. Not about to give up, but I sure am getting discouraged. We are going to find a way to change our lives.

Trying something new.

Iv'e opened a store on the web selling custom T-shirts, bags and gifts of my own design. Very excited about the possibilities with this. I have to try something new though or I'll be stuck in this rut forever. My family deserves better then that.

 Here's some of the things Iv'e designed so far. You can see them all at The Eclectic Wombat. Why did I call it that? Not sure... just what came to mind.

Not really as flashy as I want to be in life, but if I could get this to take off maybe I can make the other dreams come true. THe dream of moving my family someplace special. Someplace they will love.

Sacred to Death, but I gotta do something new!

The company I work for was bought recently....

The new company made us a deal, stay with them a few months and if we didn't like it we would be eligible for a one time separation payment based on what our severance from the old company would have been or stay with them an entire year and get a big retention bonus.

My separation payment is about $32 thousand dollars
My retention payment would be about $43 thousand dollars

But be staying with them I am losing about $1000 a month paying for my families insurance... so it's kind of a wash (The old company was actually one of those incredible employers who paid my entire families medical insurance cost, the new company only pays for  me and the difference is actually $1000 a month).

The thing is, I had to decide this week whether to stay or walk away, but I won't get the money from the separation until July 11th.

Well, I gave my notice. Tomorrow is the last day to retract it and I'm scared...

But I gotta change. I gotta have faith in the universe.

I want to get out of the oil field. I want to get out of West Texas. I really want to move to St. Louis. Real Estate prices are crazy here.... I might be able to sell my place, pay off the mortgage (and an FHA lien) and get into a place on the outskirts of the city with cash. My credit is horrible, so that's my only real hope.

I'm in love with a place I have never been. My family deserves better then here.

I wan't a normal job. I want to get up on stage again. I want my children to grow up in a place where they could do anything and where they can be anyone.

But I'm scared

This is my inspiration - Get Up by Shinedown 

It all has to go right from here!

Midlife "Reboot"

I wrote the first entry in this blog way back in 2017. Talk about a false start. Back then I refereed to what I was going through as a Midlife Crisis, now I prefer the term Midlife Reboot.

I honestly thought I'd very recently coined the term "Midlife Reboot" to describe what I'm going through. Turns out I didn't. Apparently it's a thing. That's okay, it perfectly describes what I am going through at this time in my life.

I'm looking to take my family and restart somewhere new and doing something new, but I don't know what. Ideally I'd be an actor, but I don't know if I could make a living getting middle aged funny fat guy parts. All I really know for sure is I'm tired of working 80+ hours a week, which I have done for going on 14+ years now.

"Cartoon voices... that's a thought. Love to find a way to do that."

I want to move. I want to get away from this hell hole that is west Texas and working in the west Texas oil field. It sucks. It sucked when I was in the field, it sucked when I drove trucks and it sucks even now that I'm in the office. It pays well though. I don't think I care about that last part anymore though.

What good is paying well when everything is way to expensive.

"DJ... I'd make a good DJ. I have a great voice for radio."

"Writer? Maybe a writer of some kind?"

I'm thing is... I want to make less money. I want to enjoy my life more. Things have got to change. Right now I think I could sell my house, pay off that mortgage and find something I can be outright. Far from west Texas.

I'm looking at someplace with culture, art, amusement parks, food, sports, better schools for my kids, more romance for my wife and I. Somewhere like the countryside outside of St Louis.

No idea what I'll do, but I can't stay here much longer. It'd make a great reality TV show.